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We've been close companions for more than 20 years, a person who's faced and conquered several obstacles, and I respect her for that. But, she has been constantly caught off guard in relationships. Her husband left her, which came as a massive blow. Many of her social circle disappeared then, since they had been drawn to her husband. It shocked her. She put in increased attention toward our bond, and must have understood better the meaning of companionship.

The Pattern In Relationships

In the time since, quite a few of her friends have drifted apart without her being certain of the reason. The company she worked for turned on her, although she had been highly competent, she departed unaware of what had changed.

Present Situation

In recent times, we've both retired so we're spending each other more, but I am finding my position in the relationship feels one-sided. I open subjects but she shifts conversation onto what interests her. Politically, she holds firm beliefs. My effort is to recommend verifying facts or other angles.

She is planning a trip to a country I have traveled to many times and resided in for a while. I attempted to offer advice, however, my input met with resistance. She purely only wanted me to confirm her choices. I've just returned from 30 days there and she wants to meet, but I don't.

Considering the Choices

I am unwilling to act as a friend who abandons suddenly without explanation, however, I feel she'll truly comprehend the consequences of her behaviour on how I feel about myself. At this point, my state is avoidance mode. What should I do?

Possible Paths

You could cut and run, however, that approach is seldom the peaceful resolution we imagine. Yet having a direct talk aiming for a solution requires bravery and openness for each of you.

Professional advice indicates applying a useful conflict resolution tool:

"Step one requires explaining what typically happens in your conversations. This needs to be objective and clear like exactly what occurs. The second is to tell the way it affects you emotionally. Ideally, there's no disagreement on this point. Emotions are valid, of course. The third step is to question how you are both will alter the dynamics in your relationship."

Remember that she also has a point of view, thus requiring you to remain ready to listen to her. One effective method is telling your friend:

"Now you talk and I'm going to remain silent for half an hour."

This can be effective in fostering better communication.

Key Takeaways

This person may dismiss all you say, as some people have a “survival narrative”: they rely on a narrative regarding their experiences they're unable to release since their identity depends upon it and it represents they've known. This poses a challenge as there is no clear path in such cases, just dead ends. Yet she could initially present like this then consider about what you've said. And even if you never reach a resolution, you'll have closure that you've been honest with her.